Do you feel like you’re already sleeping with a stranger? Do you no longer recognize your man after being in a relationship for a number of years? Does it frustrate you when you ask questions only to receive a grunt or a nod?
If you could have a magic mirror that will allow you to understand your man, would you pay about $50.00 for it? That, in essence, is what dating coach James Bauer is asking you to do with his latest book, “His Secret Obsession.”
We’ve always been told that men are simple. As long as they have food, sex, and a bed to sleep, they will be happy. But the author suggests that it’s more than that. Men are actually quite complicated, perhaps not as complex as women, but complicated nevertheless.
There have been a lot of self-help books on relationships on the Internet, what makes this one different?
What Is His Secret Obsession Book All About?
Do you think that men will always go for pretty girls? Women are obsessed with making themselves beautiful. In fact, over the course of her life, an average woman will spend more than $15,000 on beauty products. Do men really care about all that stuff (yes, they do even if they don’t admit it)?
The question is if this is the book for you? Perhaps you will find yourself in the following situation:
- Your husband or boyfriend would rather spend time with friends than at home with you
- If your man is already taking you for granted
- When you no longer feel appreciated
- If you think that you are bound for divorce or a split
- When you lose connection with your man both emotionally and physically
- If your relationship has become boring and monotonous
- If you both lost that spark and want to regain it
- When your man is hedging to take your relationship to the next level even if you know that he loves you
- If you are still hung up on the ex and want to know how to win him back
Of course, times have changed. Women already recognize that they are not the weaker sex. But you can’t discount biology and culture. Men are naturally stronger than women so they are more equipped to give protection in the face of threat. In society, they are also traditionally perched on a position of power, which again makes them better equipped to provide protection.
Who is James Bauer?
Before we even begin “His Secret Obsession” review, perhaps it’s best to lay down the predicate. James Bauer is also the bestselling author of “What Men Secretly Want.” That book provides women with a unique insight into how men think. It also teaches how women can package themselves so that their lovers would never look at another woman ever again. (Well, that’s an exaggeration because men will always look. The problem is when they act on their desires.)
James Bauer suggested that all men have the “hero instinct.” This innate need to protect has been there since time immemorial. It’s hardwired into their brains. It’s been there since the cavemen days when women were left to care for the young while the men gathered and hunted food.
Over the course of millennia, mythologies and songs have been created about the powers of men. You have themes about the knight in the shining armor who will save the damsel in distress. Boys grow up imagining ways of how they can save their childhood crush from a bully to win their love.
The author, however, has both the credibility and pedigree to peddle this theory. He is a trained psychologist and has been a relationship coach for a long time now. In the past 12 years, in fact, he’s been advising both men and women on how they can take their relationship to the next level.
The Hero Instinct and What You Learn in the Book
The “Hero Instinct” is discussed extensively throughout the book that it deserves one whole subtitle. Of course, this concept is not new. Relationship experts have been advising women to tap into men’s need to protect in order to keep them around.
However, James Bauer is taking the step further so that women can better understand what this instinct is all about. It’s easier when taken into context the need to protect their young. Nobody will argue that we will die first before somebody touches our child, right?
Men are driven by their ego, more than anything else. The definition of ego here is more in the context of psychology how society understands it. And in psychology, ego is not such a bad thing. Wars have been launched because of ego. Men have died because their ego was hurt.
Women will learn how to tap into men’s ego for optimum gains. While women seek works of affirmation from their man to prove his love for them, men think differently. If they feel that you respect them as a man, a lover, father, and a son, they would do anything for you.
His Secret Obsession is, in fact, respect. Men even equate this with the concept of love. You want your man to show his love by giving you flowers, for instance. They want you to show your love by showing him respect.
Here are some of the things you will learn in the book:
- Checklist of things to do to keep your man – The idea is to give yourself a makeover with these series of steps. If done right, your lover would be scared to leave you for another. In the end, your man will realize that you are a “relationship material.”
- The Private Island is another technique which will trigger the emotion of “you and me against the world.” This is the difference between marriage and split.
- Getting that former flame back. Of course, this is not for everybody because not every one of us wanted our bum of an ex. But for those who are still hung-up about their exes, these four critical steps will help you. He’s calling it the “Ex-back Signal.”
- Are you tired of pretending to be somebody you are not? This Glimpse Phase is another gem in the book that will provide you with the confidence of showing your true self to your boyfriend or husband in such a manner that will deepen his understanding of yourself.
Other Valuable Ideas in the Book
- Princesses in fairy tales have this technique down pat. It’s called the “Damsel in Distress.” You know how men fall over themselves to help somebody in need? Despite the misconception, men don’t help only beautiful women. This need to protect extends to kids, old people, animals, and other men weaker than they are. The important thing is they walk away feeling good about themselves.
- There’s a button somewhere within your man that you can push to activate the hero in him. James Bauer is calling this the Silent Action Signal. If you activate this, your man will subconsciously be drawn to you like a moth to a flame.
- Tired that your man is always keeping secrets from you? Does your man turn to his friends in time of trouble? The techniques outlined in the “I Own You” chapter will help you become your husband’s number one sounding board. And this is how it should be. You’re the wife, after all.
Pros and Cons of His Secret Obsession
ADVANTAGES:
You only pay once – You pay for the digital download and share this with your friends, relatives, and other women who are having trouble with their relationships.
Applies to almost every relationship –Of course, there’s no perfect system. But the techniques provided in the book have helped women everywhere regardless of their status in life.
Improved relationship – How can you quantify something which will drastically improve your relationship with your man.
Provides women with unique insight into how men think – By truly understanding how they think, you can find ways to develop an instant connection with men. You can even get back your ex after learning this secret.
Money back guarantee – The author offers to give back your money if you don’t think that the guidelines and techniques are not helping you improve your relationship with your man.
DISADVANTAGES:
Not everybody will benefit from it – The steps outlined in the book are by no means simple. Women really need to work hard in order to follow the guidelines. Those who don’t like to read may have to skip this one.
It’s only available for download – That could be a turnoff for some women who may like a physical book that they can smell and feel. With that said, they can certainly print the e-book, which is in PDF format.
It is expensive compared to other books – The cost here is relative. Yes, it’s more expensive compared to other relationship books out there. However, what you get in return for the cost is immeasurable.
It’s a challenge for women who are naturally shy — There are some steps in the book that will force a woman to be more daring than usual. On the flip side, even if the relationship doesn’t work, the techniques will help them become more confident about themselves.
Does His Secret Obsession Work?
Now, we’ve come to the crux of the matter. And the question is understandable. You are spending your hard-earned dollars for this book, after all. Do not waste your money if the principles in the book do not work.
There is a need to temper yourself a bit, however. The book doesn’t claim to provide the magic potion to cure all flaws in relationships. Relationships are so complex that diluting the causes of quarrel into black and white is not possible. But there are some sensible guidelines in there which can help point you in the right direction.
The steps may be clear but they need the commitment of the reader to follow through with all the techniques. The book also requires a lot of faith from the woman because some of the steps can be quite daring for some women, and perhaps even embarrassing for some. However, we really could not discount the hundreds of testimonies out there from women who swear by the product.
Lessons Taught
At the very least, the book teaches the women how to spot the visual and verbal cues from a man to determine what they desire. Again, it’s more than the physical needs of the man. Men would just as well cheat than admit their true feelings. This abhorrence to showing weakness epitomizes his need to be the hero in his story.
If you can anticipate that your man is no longer happy, then you can immediately do something about it. It’s like applying balm to the wound before it festers.
We’ve come across criticisms about the book being manipulative. Arguments could say it is selfless. When you think about it, a good chunk of the book is about changing the behavior and state of mind of the women in order to keep their man. In essence, you are giving your man what he wants.
Conclusion
With that said, James Bauer managed to distill in clear sentences the different thought processes of men and women. The steps in the book are quite clear and easy to follow. Some women might feel like manipulating their partner but they should disabuse their minds of that idea. The book is not asking you to change your partner. It’s telling you how you can change your mindset to better understand his needs and align them with yours. How is that manipulative?
